Lauren Ellis Matthews – 2016 diary by an ex-resident – 2 of 6
On body and brain: what can you trust and what will lead you astray? No rubric here I fear – it’s gray like embryonic sludge, like all matter. It is not lost on me that Morgane gave me a 6cm x 6cm x 6cm block of chocolate at the bar last night, wrapped in a napkin, for 4:30am when i’d sit stained and alone and free and sad and happy. It is not lost on me that yourself and your work are inescapable. Artful dodgers, shadow hidden, always a step ahead or behind.
Niklas – I got into a really good workflow and then suddenly I realized oh! My body exists.
Sugar literally IS like air – Sophia on her period.
The wisteria is dying. Oh Miss Judgement Skirt, wild violet crown chakra, is it lost on you that today you made crowns and everywhere is purple? Tuscany is one endless lavender vegetable garden: San Giovese vineyards, organic olive groves.
It’s not lost on me that I’m sitting on the floor and Martin just read my tarot to say stop confusing flesh, la chaïr, I prefer the floor to sitting in a chair, with Le Vrai Amour. Learn to compartmentalize. Stop imagining a magic corpse savior – stop building towers of flesh to reach the heavens, stop trying to glean spirituality through a naked teammate scenario. Le but for you right now is the masculine and feminine in their purest forms. Accept that what you want is this mélange, is this man-energy who never stops walking and doesn’t look where he heads, to penetrate your moonliness, your gorgeous inevitable femme fatality, with honest outcome.
Saturday night after the rain, cozy in trainers indoors against each other and our wooden tables. Red wine, lips, meat.